the Vanity of publishing to the World the Honour which is done me. It is no fmall Satisfaction, that I have given Occafion for the Prefident's fhewing both his Invention and Reading to fuch Advantage as my Correfpondent reports he did: But it is not to be doubted there were many very proper Hums and Paufes in his Harangue, which lofe their Uglinefs in the Narration, and which my Correfpondent (begging his Pardon) has no very good Talent at representing. I very much approve of the Contempt the Society has of Beauty: Nothing ought to be laudable in a Man, in which his Will is not concerned, therefore our Society can follow Nature, and where she has thought fit, as it were, to mock her felf, we can do fo too, and be merry upon the Occafion. Mr. SPECTATOR, OUR making publick the late Trouble I gave you, you will find to have been the Occafion of this • Who fhould I meet at the Coffee-house Door t'other Night, but my old Friend Mr. Prefident? I faw fomewhat had pleafed him; and as foon as he had caft his Eye.. upon me, "Oho, Doctor, rare News from London, (fays he); the SPECTATOR has made honourable "Mention of the Club (Man) and publifhed to the World his fincere Defire to be a Member, with a recommen"datory Defcription of his Phiz: And tho' our Confti"tution has made no particular Provifion for fhort Faces, yet, his being an extraordinary Cafe, I believe we "fhall find an Hole for him to creep in at; for I af"fure you he is not against the Canon; and if his "Sides are as compact as his Joles, he need not dif "guife himself to make one of us." I prefently called for the Paper, to fee how you looked in Print; and after we had regaled our felves a while upon the pleasant Image of our Profelite, Mr. Prefident told me I fhould be his Stranger at the next Night's Club: where we were no fooner come, and Pipes brought, but Mr. Prefident began an Harangue upon your Introduction to my Epiftle, fetting forth with no lefs Volubility of Speech than Strength of Reafon, "That a Specula"tion of this Nature was what had been long and much wanted; and that he doubted not but it would F 3 "be - "be of ineftimable Value to the Publick, in reconciling even of Bodies and Souls; in compofing and quieting the Minds of Men under all corporal Redundancies, Deficiencies, and Irregularities whatfoever; and making every one fit down content in his own Carcafs, though it were not perhaps fo mathematically put together as he could wifh.. And again, "How that for want of a due Confideration of what you first "advance, viz. that our Faces are not of our own chufing, People had been tranfported beyond all good Breeding, and hurried themselves into unaccountable and fatal. Extravagances: As, how many impartial Looking-Glaffes had been cenfured and calumniated, nay, and fometimes shivered into ten thoufand Splin"ters, only for a fair Reprefentation of the Truth? How many Head-ftrings and Garters had been made acceffary, and actually forfeited, only because Folk's muft needs quarrel with their own Shadows? And "who (continues he) but is deeply fenfible, that one as great Source of the Uneafinefs and Mifery of human ← Life, especially amongst thofe of Diftinction, arifes "from nothing in the World elfe, but too fevere a Contemplation of an indefeasible Contexture of our external Parts, or certain natural and invincible Difpofitions. to be fat or lean? When a litttle more of "Mr. SPECTATOR's Philofophy would take off all "this; and in the mean time let them obferve, that there's not one of their Grievances of this Sort, but perhaps in fome Ages of the World has been highly in vogue; and may be fo again; nay, in fome Country "or other ten to one is fo at this Day. My Lady Ample is the most miferable Woman in the World, purely of her own making: She even grudges her felf Meat and "Drink, for fear she should thrive by them; and is conftantly crying out, In a Quarter of a Year more I fhall be quite out of all manner of Shape! Now the Lady's "Misfortune feems to be only this, that fhe is planted in a wrong Soil; for, go but t'other Side of the Water, "it's a Jeft at Harlem to talk of a Shape under eighteen "Stone. These wife Traders regulate their Beauties as they do their Butter, by the Pound; and Mifs Cross, "when she first arrived in the Low-Countries, was not ".computed computed to be fo handsome as Madam Van Brisket "by near half a Tun. On the other Hand, there's Squire Lath, a proper Gentleman, of Fifteen hundred "Pound per Annum, as well as of an unblameable "Life and Converfation; yet would not I be the Efquire "for half his Eftate; for if it was as much more, he'd ་་ " freely part with it all for a Pair of Legs to his Mind: "Whereas in the Reign of our firft King Edward of glorious Memory, nothing more modish than a Brace "of your fine taper Supporters, and his Majefty without "an Inch of Calf, managed Affairs in Peace and War "as laudably as the braveft and moft politick of his "Ancestors; and was as terrible to his Neighbours un "der the Royal Name of Long-fhanks, as Cœur de Lion "to the Saracens before him. If we look farther back "into History we fhall find, that Alexander the Great wore his Head a little over the left Shoulder; and "then not a Soul ftirred out till he had adjusted his "Neck-Bone; the whole Nobility addreffed the Prince " and each other obliquely, and all Matters of Impor "tance were concerted and carried on in the Macedonian "Court with their Polls on one Side. For about the "firft Century nothing made more Noife in the World "than Roman Nofes, and then not a Word of them "till they revived again in Eighty eight. Nor is it fo very long fince Richard the Third fet up half the "Backs of the Nation; and high Shoulders, as well as "high Nofes, were the Top of the Fashion. But to "come to our felves, Gentlemen, tho' I find by my cr quinquennial Obfervations that we shall never get "Ladies enough to make a Party in our own Country, yet might we meet with better Succefs among "fome of our Allies. And what think you if our Board fate for a Dutch Piece? Truly I am of Opinion, that "as odd as we appear in Flesh and Blood, we should "be no fuch ftrange things in Metzo-Tinto. But this "Project may reft till our Number is compleat; and "this being our Election Night, gave me Leave to propofe Mr. SPECTATOR: You fee his Inclina"tions, and perhaps we may not have his Fellow.. I found most of them (as is ufual in all fuch Cafes). were prepared; but one of the Seniors (whom by the F4 by by Mr. Prefident had taken all this Pains to bring over) fate ftill, and cocking his Chin, which feemed only to be levelled at his Nofe, very gravely declared, "That in cafe he had had fufficient Knowledge of you, ་་ no Man fhould have been more willing to have ferved you; but that he, for his Part, had always had regard to his own Confcience, as well as other Peoples Merit; and he did not know but that you might "be a handfome Fellow; for as for your own Certi "ficate, it was every Body's Bufinefs to fpeak for "themselves." Mr. Prefident immediately retorted, "A handsome Fellow! why he is a Wit (Sir) and you "know the Proverb:" and to ease the old Gentleman of his Scruples, cried, "That for Matter of Merit it was all one, you might wear a Mask." This threw • him into a Paufe, and he looked defirous of three Days to confider on it; but Mr. Prefident improved the Thought, and followed him up with an old Story, "That Wits were privileged to wear what Masks they "pleafed in all Ages; and that a Vizard had been the "conftant Crown of their Labours, which was generally prefented them by the Hand of fome Satyr, and fometimes of Apollo himself." For the Truth of which he appealed to the Frontispiece of severa} Books, and particularly to the English Juvenal, to ⚫ which he referred him; and only added, "That fuch "Authors were the Larvati, or Larvâ donati of the "Ancients." This cleared up all, and in the Conclufion you were chofe Probationer; and Mr. President put round your Health as fuch, protesting, "That though indeed he talked of a Vizard, he did not believe all the while you had any more Occafion for it than the Cat-a-mountain;" fo that all you have to do now is to pay your Fees, which here are very reasonable, if you are not impofed upon; and you may ftyle your felf Informis Societatis Socius: Which I am defired to acquaint you with; and upon the fame I beg you to accept of the Congratulation of, N° 33. Saturday, April 7. Fervidus tecum Puer, & folutis A Hor. ad Venerem. Friend of mine has two Daughters, whom I will call Latitia and Daphne; The Former is one of the greatest Beauties of the Age in which the lives, the Latter no way remarkable for any Charms in her Perfon. Upon this one Circumftance of their Outward Form, the Good and Ill of their Life feems to turn. Latitia has not, from her very Childhood, heard any thing elfe but Commendations of her Features and Complexion, by which means fhe is no other than Nature made her, a very beautiful Out-fide. The Confcioufnefs of her Charms has rendered her infupportably Vain and Infolent, towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almoft Twenty before one civil thing had ever been faid to her, found her felf obliged to acquire fome Accomplishments to make up for the want of thofe Attractions which the faw in her Sifter. Poor Daphne was feldom fubmitted to in a Debate wherein fhe was concerned; her Difcourfe had nothing to recommend it but the good Senfe of it, and she was always under a neceffity to have very well confidered what he was to fay before the uttered it; while Latitia was liftened to with Partiality, and Approbation fate in the Countenances of thofe fhe converfed with, before the communicated what he had to fay. These Caufes have produced fuitable Effects, and Letitia is as infipid a Companion, as Daphne is an agree able one. Latitia, confident of Favour, has ftudied no Arts to pleafe; Daphne, defpairing of any Inclination towards her Perfon, has depended only on her Merit. Letitia has always fomething in her Air that is fullen, grave, and dif F 5 confolare, |