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cleugh is a little superstitious or so; and magazines have of late months supplied set off to give his daughter away in us with, otherwise we cannot stand the April, as none but bad wives are mar- summer's campaign, and by any exer ried in May amongst the Scotch, you tions hold on till the Coronation'; we know." I don't know, indeed; only must literally fly for it, and bury OurI do wish we had something new. selves in the country.” At this serious “ Have you read Barry Cornwall ?.” “I representation of grievances, instead of can't." - Why so ? « Because I've sympathizing with my situation, my read Shakespeare, and Beaumont and friend assumed an ironical gravity of Fletcher too, and Massinger and Shirley, countenance, and begged to know and I don't love translutions ....”—“Of whether he should return with the Old what?" " Of old wine into new Monthly Magazine in his pocket." The boules.” “Well, then, there's Mill- look of horror with which I answered man just published, can you read him him, was a sufficient test of the good“ I can read his poetry, if you mean that; ness of his joke, and he seemed to enjoy but he's a devilish poor dramatist.” it. “Then you would perhaps prefer “ How so?” “ Because I can never the dramatic beauties of Gold and iell John from Simon, or Simon from Northhouse.” “ You are pleased to Eleucar. Now you may understand he merry, sir," I replied, drawing up, Shakespeare, though you should have and half turning aside; “I should by no no names to the separate speeches in means prefer them.” “You will be the piece.” “Well, this is the longest satisfied with nothing less than The speech I have heard you make this morn- London Magazine, I presume, then.” ing. Don't despair. The sun's coming “That is as hereafter may appear. I out, and the vapours and blue devils don't like to trust to a flash in the panwill disappear. Will you take a ride ?” when it blows up the Gun-powder “What does Horace say?-'atrox cura Magazine in the North (of which by the ....!' something-Oh dear!” (yawning) bye there is no danger), I shall begin to read
-“That Care mounts behind the horse- it.” “Aye, there you have hit it; you' man?" "Just so, but infinitely better shall have at Blackwood without delay,” expressed. Oh, apropos, have you got -and my friend was suddenly sheering through Maria Edgeworth’s Ennui ?" off. “l' beg your pardon,"' I replied, “No.” “Do you ever read books laying hands on him, “do no such unThrough Sv. I esclaimed, and absolutely advised thing. So far from giving any started from my chair. “ That depends exclusive preference, suppose I were to upon the authors more than myself, I begin in Blackwood's own style to probelieve.” “Yes, to be sure," I re- nounce it an inflammable composition plied ; “but I do wish we had some- of malice and ribaldry, and to prefer thing new. I would give as great a re- your returning with the last twopenny ward to the inventor as that monarch of Indicator' of the Cockney Monarch old-but you know the story.” “Yes, himself, the redoubted enemy of Scotch yes,” replied my friend,“ don't put supremacy and tories, who evidently yourself to any unnecessary exertion of fear while they pretend to despise him. lungs on my aceount.” “I wish," I Then give me no more of this new replied, “I could behave as disinter- Scotch haggis, this olla podrida, in estedly towards you ; but if you would which the thistle and nettle are too just have the charity to step to our lavishly scattered for the milder and friend's in Conduit-street, tell him the more legitimate taste of English mandistressed condition we are in, and im- ners and good feeling. If animal spirits plore him, as he values his literary ex. were an excuse for running riot at all istence, to send us something more cheer- you meet, if scurrility were comparable ing and reviving to the spirit than what to wit, these blustering Juvenals, the his brother Bibliopoles have lately aftord progeny of St. Andrew, would speedily ed us — the ‘weary, stale, flat and un- become fashionable ; but the very caustic profitable’ lucubrations of brains thrice on which they fed is consumed, and the filtered; imitations imitated, in the mo fear which they now indulge is, that dern play-wright fashion, until the they shall die for want of strong aliment.
perilous stuff' weighs upon the soul “A plague upon your Magazines ! I like the atmosphere of a foggy day. Tell say. Can't they Ay through the country him, the despair of two hungry-minded without falling foul of one another, and Dilettantes is not to be trifled with; that gratifying the pugilistic propensity of we must be fed with materials less fri- the nation by an exhibition of fistyvolous and vexatious than our provision- cuffs, at which the newsmen, and the printer's devils themselves, are seen to much,' I exclaimed, (though I had not blush? One, forsooth,challenges the pub- half done my daily task) it would make lic to examine whether he has not more a Scythian weep, or thaw the eyes of the in him than all the rest put together. great Russian Czar, to see a hack, inAnother accuses his brother of plagiary, Iinitely lower than a slave, pulling thus in running away with his name, and at his brains, that, with the tenacity of maintains that it is not his--that Lon- bird-lime, only seem to stick together don is a proper name, and not common faster and faster. Would I had fortuto all men, or Magazines. B- d, nately been made a Welsh curate, with in a timorous shy way, reflects up- a family of twelve children, and a salary on B- n, and thinks, like the of 60l. per annum, or turned out, as my great serpent, to stifle the young Her father advised me, on Salisbury-plain, cules quickly in his cradle; while B- with a spade on my shoulders, to shape
n, perceiving his drift, boldly gripes my way through the world, so I had him by the neck till, we presume, in never been attacked with this hereditary the next number he will howl again. disease, which has done infinitely more The more wary Scotchman squares and mischief in families than that more unmakes mouths, and is fonder of sparring justly termed the evil. To the cacoëthes in gloves with his Boxiana and the scribendi which seized me when I was Fancy, than coming to plain and close at school, in consequence of the honour English fighting; or like his fellow- of being promoted to the head of my countryman in robbing a gentleman's class, do I attribute the misfortunes of garden--the first object he beheld on my after-life. It came on me with a putting his head over the wall, was the strange craving after something I could master, who demanding of Sawney not define, but of which I have since where he was going, · Back again, an't experienced the hollow nature, in the please your honour.'
successive disappointments which have “But whichever proves the most attended my youth in attempting to inugly customer to the other, and shews dulge it. "O, Goldsmith! how often the most wind and science in the end, have I envied the happiness of thy poor is none of our affair ; so a truce, my Ned Burton from misery freed, dear friend, to your confounded Maga • Who long was a bookseller's hack ; zines, and let us have something more Who led such a damnable life here below fashionable, more lady-like and new. That I don't think he'll wish to come back.'". While you are away, I'll try to turn There here occurred an “ hiatus valde over this Portfolio of a Man of Letters, deflendus," as if the writer had suddenly and practise Mrs. Hamilton's theory of fallen into slumber or despair, and which 'attention whether you like it or no, I could not but regret, as I already began tracing the progress of genius from the to feel interested in ascertaining the progarret down to the saloon, where you cess by which he had raised himself perceive the work now lies ; and if you from such a humiliating and ludicrous promise to make haste, I'll acquaint you condition to the distinguished eminence with the result of my researches when which he now enjoys. If such is the you return.” My friend proceeded, as complaint of our celebrated historian, I he said, on his FORAGING EXPEDITION, exclaimed, how carefully should the but, as I took it, on a forlorn hope ; candidates for literary fame wcigh the while I very magnanimously beGAN AT consequences of crossing the lettered RuTHE BEGINNING of the Memoirs of the bicon, and declaring war against the celebrated
in which he pa- bibliopolitan powers, who hold the desthetically describes the first pains of tinies of authors in their grasp, and like authorship as more keen and intolerable a neat shopman, with a twist of the than any thing “that war or women finger, can send the scale of their cushave," and thus continues :
tomers bump to the ground. Unfortunate “ With a half unfinished sheet before race! dependant upon that very dubious me, of which my remorseless editor had possession of brains for the chance of in fact exacted the completion before I prolonged existence! O, ye unfledged had commenced it, I sat in that hopeless brood of contributors, wings of the flyand desponding attitude which distrest ing Monthly Mercuries, that bear the authors know so well how to assume, riches of knowledge and amusement (half ludicrous, and half affecting,) with proudly through the land, to you I apan exhausted brain, and a weary hand peal-how, in the name of twenty (prinslowly scraping my way to the con- ters') devils, do you plume your feathers cluding sentence. No, this is too on a thick gloomy morning of Novem
her, trimming a, farthing candle, and employed, for (don't repeat it) I'm getcoughing at the fog that envelopes you ting confounded sick of Brookes's and about noon, with wits bound, and the theatres. Only I should like to enfingers aching at the delay of inditing gage in something piquant and cockneysomething smart and pithyish? In the ish, beyond the dull monotony of pens North this must be dreadful indeed ; and that of late besets us.")20 What say we thus frequently see those fine animal you to an article on sticks, or shops? spirits that rose in the summer solstice, or rats and mice, and such small deer ?" gradually falling with the quicksilver of answered my friend any thing will the barometer in the stormy and lower- do, if you 'll only cram it hard enough ing days. From my soul I pity you; down our gentle public's throat, with for with all its horrors of vacancy, and out giving it time to consider
. Eureka intervals of uncertainty, and even despair then, just imported fresh, and smelling of.oecupation between visit and visit, of the sea, the most novel and delightful this fashionable but weary life of mine thing imaginable, the most rare and must be tolerable to yours. Yet, after exquisite essence of políte scandal, full all, I should half like to try it, if it would of variety, that sips of all, but feeds be any relief to long hours; Heavens, it on nothing long the only copy in must be such a fillip to nature, such a England, more valuable than a court rouser! absolutely to write for one's dress to the ladies, and teaching the bread. Lord, how a man would lay it most minute elegantiæ elegantiarum of on, and toil up the hill of fame. Rats, life, from the last step in a new quadrille, in similar circumstances, eat through to the supreme art of Airting a fan, stone walls, and what might not he or fanning a flirt, if you had rather Le achieve? If it were not for a certain Livre de Quatre Couleurs -- a literary yacancy of ideas, and an unaccountable God-send, I assure you. Le voila. How horror of scribbling, I think I'd try it; deuced envious Baldwin or Blackwood but then, zounds, I must train for it liké would be if they knew of it." "Come, the Fancy; and starve perhaps, to bring let me clutch thee then,” I cried, " thou me to, a proper writing temperature. hast a lively and entertaining physioThere's the rub:
gnomy of a title-page, and I think I shall * To starve or not to starve that is the question :
love thee. Settle yourself in that easy“Whether 'tis nobler in the body to suffer chair, my dear friend, and seize the pen, - The stings and spasms of outrageous hunger ??? the pen that Julia gave me, and I will
I had here almost worked myself up dictate the contents to you like another to a sensation ; and springing from my Cæsar, though it should be in four difsettee, stamped my foot upon the floor, ferent tongues, and in a cameleon-coand trod upon a great tom-cat sleeping loured type. Let us begin with the before the fire, who, giving a dreadful preface, I'll translate.”... Go on then, yell, bounced out of the room, mad with I scorn to yield ; so translate away, and pain and anger, in the very face of my GARĖ GALLICISMS AND STOPS, 1 and friend, who was that moment returning warn the reader to leave off when he from his expedition. “Zounds !” he sleeps, and close our variegated book.” exelaimed, turning quick round: “I
THE PREFACE. hope you are not bitten, my dear friend?” I cried, “ the cat is not mad, except Party-colour is so much the favourite with
pain, and a little frightened or so.” one of the day, that our book shall make I gradually soothed him, and finding he no apology for taking its place in the was not hurt, began, with an unusual boudoir of the belles and blue stockings degree of animation, to inquire into the of a refined age. It will
not interfere suecess of his perambulation. “ Con- with the sale of Rees's Encyelopedia, found the cat!", he replied ; « such a' but it will
more easily be carried in your meeting's as shocking as a bailiff opening pocket. The minds of politicians, that
your own house door to you. What vary like the weather-glass, need not be to
the deuce did you quarrel with the cat "startled at the sight of a picture which for?- were you so very far gone that you represents them to the life ; and the most had no other amusement to take to? I delicate spirits, that shrink like a sensiwish you were a bookseller's hack; they tive plant at a touch, will not be offendwould soon find other employment for ed with the moral of it. The lover you.
“Do you?" I replied. “Done. may behold himself in the various met'll sell myself, and get rid of all my time, tamorphoses which he assumes; and if they'll promise to keep me constantly the friend, in the disguise of truth, see
New MONTHLY MAG.–No. 78. -510-VOL. XIV. pea F xl wink TOTUSIT TOMT vamos 101
here the emblem of his duplicity. Why lishers take the hint, and give us a doushould not our humours be as variable çeur for the information. When the as our climate? Our different tastes are chambermaid is ready to lace this stays as arbitrarily imposed upon us as our for a blow-out or a scrouge in the evening, faces, and there is room enough for he declares he must first take a turn in them both in the world: Does not the other world a little horizontal reevery thing inspire us with a love of freshment-and goes to bed. ,. 'If he has change? I'he sun in eclipse, the moon to sit down to write, he is immediately in her phases, the heavens in varying seized with a peripatetic fit, and proceeds clouds; then the year in its various sea to measure his chamber with a full clothsons; the sea in tides; the earth with yard stride. Then, like our friend B flowers ; the birds in song and plumage; he'll twitch and laugh with one side of even our philosophers by their systems, his face, and look grave with the other. our ministers by projects, and our au- Between staring and frowning, he carithors by their paradoxes, support it catures his own physiognomy exceed besides coquettes with their frivolity, ingly well, and leaves you
in doubt whelovers in folly, all men in their charac ther he be more like a cameleon, a ter, and every woman in her humour. monkey, or Proteus himself. But it is Shall we here be unjust enough to omit in other fashionable modes, that the art the new-cut Dandy. Certainly not; or if of novelty is more conspicuously shewn. we do, it is only that we may give him What a reformation have ten years made an article to himself
. The very pink of in our style of dress and writing, dancing finical variety, he carries it spick and and eating! There is always a heavy span new, just plucked from the garden tax laid
the true dilettanti of of fashion, upon his doublet. In his fashion :
: every individual attitude and ogle, in his attitudes, in his strut, as in motion is un tribut à la mode ; and they his sentiments and language, all is equally have run the polite gauntlet through superlative, exquisite, and even girlish'; hunch-backs and high shoulders, stiff but the worst of him is, that he can necks and stooping ones, from a bow to never sit long enough for you to take his the ground to the familiar nod, until picture. At one moment he flings him- all the changes of the fashionable bells self sulkily into a soft arm-chair, the were rung, and they had recourse, both. next he is cutting a quadrille. You may in dressing and writing, to the plainness
, hear him now railing against the fair, and simplicity of nature again, out of just before he prepares to offer up the sheer despair of something novel and incense of his flattery. He is thrown into piquant. This is observable in our new , an extacy at the sight of a new strait- style of adorning our bodies and our laced and padded coat; but hardly is it books; in our poetry, sermons, and mo, on, when he quarrels with the collar, dern lectures, which possess the singu. and orders a false one of double the size. lar merit of placing nature in a fresh He tries the newest style of every fashion- point of view, and conjuring up old able triminer of the sconce, and has fashions in a new dress of their own.even the vanity to suggest to him some We next come to other objects which extraordinary fresh touch of the scissors. are no less variable and interesting our He rings a peal of bells to bring his people venerable modern Philosophers, who are about him, and when they run to at- weary of following up the discoveries of tend, he can't for the soul of him tell their ancestors, and strike out new paths exactly what he wants. He drives 20 for themselves--becoming amorous of miles an hour in his tilbury to reach his chemical affinities and galvanic animacountry-house, merely in order to give tion, and finding more attractions and orders to have his bays at the door by repulsions than nature ever dreamed of five o'clock, to run against time for in her most prolific moments of antia dinner in town. He sports a scented pathy or love: now, like Joshua, stopwhite canıbric handkerchief, and pre- ping the sun, and whirling the earth tends to grow sick of the perfume. If round its axis; now impugning the sysyou speak to him, he very leisurely as tem of Sir Isaac Newton, with some sumes his ogle-glass, to reconnoitre before famous hypothesis, and next flattering, us he answers you. He gives order to his with the doctrine of innate ideas, which bookseller peremptorily, to forward him are soon to become acquired: when these the Magazines the day before they are too are argued away, and mankind run out, in order to anticipate the follies of great risk of being reasoned out of their the month, and for this he is charged souls and wits together. five shillings a number. Let other pub So much for Scotch metaphysics.
I had hithetto proceeded with that you to the combat once more. Our rapidity of diction which sets à common next set-to will be more easy and enterpen at defiance ; and frequently extorted taining, and discover infinite variety of from my friend exclamations of wonder, play, to the polite edification of the spechighly gratifying to my new character of tators. To the fairest portion we procontributor to the periodical press. mise an exhibition of the various and "Stop," he exclaimed, " if you are not true properties and uses of that refreshquite destitute of humanity, and let using and ingenious article called a fan, take breath. My fingers are literally and we trust the Book of Four Colours growing together, and ache as if they will unfold more fashionable, mysteries would come off. I will just go submit than are dreamed of in four ball-nights our article to editorial inspection, learn running. My friend departed, and I the newest short-hand in practice, and am now fast dropping into a fine oblitben, like an accomplished bruiser after vious sleep.
B.T. the last lesson of his science, challenge
ELLEN FITZARTHUR, A METRICAL TALE. IT is long since we have discarded gained upon our respect by his courage, the petulant prejudice which, when our he has lost upon our good-will by his ** mind was all as youthful as our blood,” self-sufficiency, and considerably dimi. influepced us to turn from every anony- nished the interest which we are always mous publication with cold disdain, disposed to take in behalf of unpretendgratuitously attributing to its modest ing diffidence. autħor a lurking consciousness of insig The poem before us, unowned, unnificance, the justice of which we were patronized, and stealing as it were, as little solicitous to examine as to doubt. bashfully into the world, with scarcely Anonymous poetry, more especially, ex the assistance of due newspaper anperienced our most unqualified reproba- nouncement to make it known, must tion, and we fear, that though correct- plead our excuse for these reflections, ed from this illiberality of judgment our the very natural result of fear, that a selves, it is still too generally prevalent production so every way calculated to in the reading world. We trace to the touch the heart, and gratify the taste, dreaded fastidiousness which renders a should sink into oblivion without even name só essential to the reception of a experiencing the common justice of obnew work,' the harmless expedient of taining a hearing, and of being conassuming a fictitious designation, to demned upon proof. To obviate this, which many self-distrusting young, au as far as our weak endeavours will exthors have had recourse, in order, whilst tend, we are anxious to disseminate an virtually preserving their incognito, to acquaintance with its 'purity of sentisatisfy the unmeaning squeamishness of ments, its chaste simplicity, and affecta? the public, and to relieve their mental ing tenderness, amongst our readers. offspring from that portion, at least, of We shall, for this purpose, give a suma' the danger of neglect, which would re mary of its fable, and draw, somewhat sult from the failure of ostensible pa- largely, upon its pages for illustration of rentage. To us, we must own, the the
merits which we have ascribed to it. chance of being pleased by a first pro
The Tale, a completely domestie one, duction appears nearly equal, whether opens in Malwood Vale, an imaginary it be printed anonymously, or with a spot, we believe, where namne, either real or suppositious, of
_" the shades of night which we never heard before. “What's Were peacefully descending; in a name," untried, unknown, un
And closing with the closing light,
The peasant's toil was ending." 1 lyn, dreamed of, till beheld for the first time in the title-page of a new work? Ex
A husbandman's return to his family perience of his talents can alone render is cheerfully described ; his wife's alaMr. A. superior in estimation to Mr. B. crity to welcome him, his children's caor Mr. C. * And when we meet an un
resses, his homely comforts, are briefly, practised novice, perfectly ready to blazon but animatedly, set before us : forth, with neither fear nor wit, his full “One climbs into his arms-another designation in front of a dashing coup. A third is listed by its mother
Clings smiling round his knee d'essai, we rather shrink from, than are attracted to, the perusal of his perform- The cradled innocent, his youngest treasure, ance; and feel, that instead of having Holds out its dimpled arms, and crows for pleasure
Its father's face to see :