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fearching them, feveral kind of knives and dreadful weapons were found upon them. The justice first examined Crambe.-------What is your name? fays the justice. I have acquired (quoth Crambe) no great name as yet; they call me Crambe or Crambo, no matter which, as to myself; though it may be some dispute to posterity.---- What is yours and your master's profeffion? "It is our business to imbrue our hands in blood; we cut off the heads, and pull out the hearts of those that never injured us; we rip up big-bellied women, and tear children limb from limb." Martin endeavoured to interrupt him; but the juftice, being itrangely aftonished with the franknefs of Crambe's confeffion, ordered him to proceed; upon which he made the following speech.

"May it pleafe your Worship, as touching the body of this man, I can anfwer each head that my accufers alledge againft me, to a hair. They have hitherto talked like numfculls without brains; but if your Worthip will not only give ear, but regard me with a favourable eye, I will not be browbeaten by the fupercilious looks of my adverfaries, who now stand cheek by jowl by your Worship. I will prove to their faces, that their foul mouths haye not opened their lips without a falfity; though they have showed their teeth as if they would bite off my nofe. Now, Sir, that I may fairly flip my neck out of the collar, I beg this matter may not be flightly skinned over. Though I have no man here to back me, I will unbofom myself, fince truth is on my fide, and fhall give them their bel lies full, though they think they have me upon the hip. Whereas they fay I came into their lodgings

gings with arms, and murdered this man without their privity, I declare I had not the least finger in it; and fince I am to ftand upon my own legs, nothing of this matter fhall be left till I fet it upon a right foot. In the vein I am in, I cannot for my heart's blood and guts bear this ufage: I fhall not fpare my lungs to defend my good name: I was ever reckoned a good liver, and I think I have the bowels of compaffion. I ask but justice, and, from the crown of my head to the fole of my foot, I shall ever acknowledge myself your Worfhip's humble fervant."

The juftice ftared, the landlord and landlady lifted up their eyes, and Martin fretted, while Crambe talked in this rambling incoherent manner; till at length Martin begged to be heard. It was with great difficulty that the juftice was convinced, till they fent for the finisher of human laws, of whom the corpfe had been purchafed; who looking near the left ear, knew his own work, and gave oath accordingly.

No fooner was Martin got home, but he fell into a paffion at Crambe. "What dæmon," he cried, "hath poffeffed thee, that thou wilt never forfake that impertinent cuftom of punning? Neither my counsel nor my example have thus milled thee; thou governeft thyfelf by most erroneous maxims." Far from it (anfwers Crambe) my life is as orderly as my dictionary; for by my dictionary I order my life. I have made a calander of radical words for all the feafons, months, and days of the year every day I am under the dominion of a certain word; but this day in particular I cannot be misled, for I am governed by one that

rules

rules all fexes, ages, conditions, nay, all animals, rational and irrational. Who is not governed by the word led? Our noblemen and drunkards are pimp-led, phyficians and pulfes fee-led, their patients and oranges pil-led, a new-married man and an afs are bride-led, an old married man and a packhorfe fad-led, cats and dice are rat-led, fwine and nobility are fty-led, a coquette and a tinder-box are fpark-led, a lover and a blunderer are groveled; and, that I may not be tedious-Which thou art, (replied Martin, ftamping with his foot) which thou art, I fay, beyond all human toleration. Such an unnatural, unaccountable, uncoherent, unintelligible, unprofitable-----There it is now! (interrupted Crambe) this is your day for uns. Martin could bear no longer-however, compofing his countenance, Come hither, he cried, there are five pounds feventeen fhillings and nine-pence; thou hast been with me eight months, three weeks, two days, and four hours. Poor Crambe, upon the receipt of his falary, fell into tears, flung the money upon the ground, and burst forth in thefe words:----O Cicero, Cicero! if to pun be a crime, 'tis a crime I have learn'd from thee: O Bias, O Bias! if to pun be a crime, by thy example was I biaffed.Whereupon Martin (confidering that one of the greatest of orators, and even a fage of Greece had punned) hefitated, relented, and reAftated Crambe in his fervice,

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CHAP. IX.

How Martinus became a great critic.

T was a most peculiar talent in Martinus, to

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in the way of life, or in learning. This can no way be better exemplified than in the effect which 3 the puns of Crambe had on the mind and ftudies of Martinus. He conceived, that fomewhat of a like talent to this of Crambe, of assembling parallel founds, either fyllables or words, might conduce to the emendation and correction of ancient authors, if applied to their works with the fame diligence, and the fame liberty. He refolved to try firft upon Virgil, Horace, and Terence; concluding, that, if the most correct authors could be so served with any reputation to the critic, the amendment and alteration of all the reft would easily follow; whereby a new, a vast, nay boundless field of glory would be opened to the true and abfolute critic.

This fpecimen on Virgil he has given us, in the addenda to his notes on the Dunciad. His Terence and Horace are in every body's hands, under the names of Richard B----ley and Francis H---re. And we have convincing proofs that the late edition of Milton publifhed in the name of the former of thefe, was in truth the work of no other than our Scriblerus.

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CHAP. X.

Of Martinus's uncommon practice of phyfic, and bow be applied bimfelf to the difeafes of the mind.

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UT it is high time to return to the history of the progrefs of Martinus in the studies of phyfic, and to enumerate fome at least of the many discoveries and experiments he made therein.

One of the first was his method of investigating latent diftempers, by the fagacious quality of fetting-dogs and pointers. The fucceís, and the adventures that befel him, when he walked with these animals, to smell them out in the parks and public places about London, are what we would willingly relate; but that his own account, together with a lift of thofe gentlemen and ladies at whom they made a full jet, will be published in time convenient. There will alfo be added the reprefentation, which, on occafion of one diftemper, which was become almoit epidemical, he thought himself obliged to lay before both houfes of parliament, entitied, A propofal for a general flux, to exterminate at one blow the p---x out of this kingdom.

But being weary of all practice on fætid bodies; from a certain nicenefs of conftitution, (especially when he attended Dr Woodward through a twelvemonth's courfe, of vomition), he determined to leave it off entirely, and to apply himself only to difeafes of the mind. He attempted to find out fpecifics for all the paffions; and as other phyficians throw their patients into fweats, vomits, purga

tions,

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