Here he was dissatisfied as soon as he had half completed the third line, for he had finished the idea and had half a line to spare. He went back, struck out but underneath, wrote his eye beneath, which instantly gave him the compactness he wished and a straightforwardness of construction also. Then, probably, when he had said that his sweet voice sung like a silver clarion, he reflected that a clarion rung rather than sung, and changing this word, he saw that in the accents of the tongue he had a more ringing power than he had in a sweet voice, and certainly not only is the measure of the last line now better, but there has been a great access of virility; the mere change of sung to rung has lifted the third line into something like a trumpet-note. In the third stanza, the first draft showed only two slight alterations; in the first line he wrote "humble homes " which he changed to "happy homes," thus presenting a stronger contrast to the youth's loneliness, and in the second he changed "pure and bright" to "clear and bright," but the whole stanza was unsatisfactory as it then stood : In happy homes he saw the light Of household fires gleam clear and bright, And far o'erhead the glaciers shone, His lips breath'd with a stifled groan, Excelsior! The labor appears in the second draft, where the first two lines are the same, but the second two are thus worked over: Above the spectral And for above the glaciers shone; His lips-repress'd the rising groan. Not only is the rhythm better in this last line, but the action is far more poetic, while both lines have gained in nervous force and in their connection with each other. As first written, there was an awkward halt at the close of the third line. In the final revision one other change was introduced by making the fires gleam "warm and bright" instead of "clear and bright," which was a weak redundancy, while warm also intensifies the contrast. The fourth stanza came easily. The first three lines were unchanged in the first draft or the second, standing as they do in the printed form. The fourth line in the first draft appeared his clarion And clear that youthful voice replied; in the second draft, it was loud And clear his clarion voice replied; in the poem it now reads And loud that clarion voice replied. Slight changes these, but in the direction of euphony and picturesqueness. It may be said that "youthful" in its contrast to the "old man was preferable, but it was not so euphonic, and "clarion," though used before, was probably taken as suggesting, with loudness, the spiritual cry of the young man heard above the physical voice of the tempest and torrent. There is some uncertainty in deciphering the erasures of the fifth stanza. In the corrections, however, there is no singular variation of form except that in the third line, "pale blue eye" became altered to "bright blue eye" ; possibly the poet at first meant to indicate his weariness by "pale," and then resolved to give rather his resolution in "bright." In the sixth stanza "the pine tree's withered branch" is an improvement upon the first form, which appeared in both drafts, "the withered pine tree's branch," and "awful avalanche was first the tamer “falling avalanche.” The seventh stanza was wholly rewritten, and recast. Besides the linear erasures, lines are drawn downward, marking out the whole, and a new stanza takes its place. And as the The pious monks of Saint Bernard In haste the convent gate unbarr'd And heard amid the falling snow More faint that smothered voice of woe, Excelsior! This was clearly abrupt in transition and false also to the thought of the poem, for it was no part of the poet's intention to characterize the cry as a smothered voice of woe; so he rewrote it as it now stands, except that in the second draft he wrote “startled air” for “frosty ” and “clear, cold,” successively, a change which added a new and striking effect. The immense improvement in the new stanza is apparent at a glance, since in the turn of the poem the very action of the monks is subtly connected with the aspiration of the youth. The first two lines of the last stanza but one gave the poet some trouble before he could find the most fit expression. In the first draft he wrote without erasure : And guided by the faithful hound, A frozen, lifeless corse they found; Still grasping in his hand of ice The banner with the strange device Excelsior! In the second draft the first two lines appear : A traveller, by Buried in onow the faithful hound Half buried in the snow was Far up the pass a traveller found The form in the first draft was probably chosen before the original seventh stanza was discarded. Certainly the omission of the pious monks in the final discovery is a gain ; the loneliness of the youth is intensified when he is discovered not by one of his own race, but by a hound. Once more, as in the beginning, there is, as it were, a resolution into nature, and the youth, the snow and ice, and a dumb creature remain. The first two lines of the last stanza stand in print as they were first written, but the last two lines show the poet's fatigue at the close of his work. He had his idea perfected, but his mind stumbled over the right words. Thus the first draft is as follows: And His lips had caught the clear of day serene And from the deep sky, faint and far fell A voice dropped like a falling star, Excelsior! He did not know it then, but he had really finished his poem, for when he came later to write a second draft, he made his correction over again : serene And from the deep sky, faint and far At the bottom of the first draft are the words, "September 28, 1841. Half-past three o'clock, morning. Now to bed." He wrote first September 27, and then remembered that he had reached the next day and changed the 7 to 8. If any one is curious to know the day of the week, it was Monday night that the poet sat up to write this poem. Mr. Sumner's letter to him is dated merely Thursday, so one can imagine that he had answered it and now had it lying by him as waste paper. The study of the growth of a poem is an interesting and curious business, yet after all how little one really sees of the poet at work. Somehow or other, as Mr. Lowell says regarding Hawthorne, apropos of his note-books, you look through the key-hole and think you will catch the secret of the alchemist, but at the critical moment his back is turned toward you. It is rare, however, that one has so good an opportunity as this of seeing the shaping of a poetic idea.] Page 104. As Lope says. La cólera De un Español sentado no se templa, Hasta el final juicio desde el Génesis. Page 107. Abrenuncio Satanas! 66 LOPE DE VEGA. Digo, Señora, respondió Sancho, lo que tengo dicho, que de los azotes abernuncio. Abrenuncio, habeis de decir, Sancho, y no como decis, dijo el Duque.” — Don Quixote, Part II., ch. 35. Page 119. Fray Carrillo. The allusion here is to a Spanish Epigram. Siempre Fray Carrillo estás Cansándonos acá fuera; Para no verte jamas! Page 119. Padre Francisco. BOHL DE FABER, Floresta, No. 611. This is from an Italian popular song. "Padre Francesco, Padre Francesco!" - Cosa volete del Padre Francesco? "V'è una bella ragazzina Che si vuole confessar!" Fatte l' entrare, fatte l' entrare! Che la voglio confessare. KOPISCH, Volksthümliche Poesien aus allen Mundarten Italiens und seiner Inseln, p. 194. Page 121. Ave! cujus calcem clare. From a monkish hymn of the twelfth century, in Sir Alexander Croke's Essay on the Origin, Progress, and Decline of Rhyming Latin Verse, p. 109. Page 129. The Gold of the Busné. Busné is the name given by the Gypsies to all who are not of their race. The Gypsies call themselves Calés. See Borrow's valuable and extremely interesting work, The Zincali: or an Account of the Gypsies in Spain. London, 1841. Page 133. Asks if his money-bags would rise. "¿Y volviéndome á un lado, ví á un Avariento, que estaba preguntando á otro, (que por haber sido embalsamado, y estar léxos sus tripas no hablaba, porque no habian llegado si habian de resucitar aquel dia todos los enterrados) si resucitarian unos bolsones suyos?” — El Sueño de las Cala veras. Page 134. And amen! said my Cid the Campeador. Amen, dixo Mio Cid el Campeador. Line 3044. |