THE ALCHEMIST. A COMEDY. THE ARGUMENT. The Sickness hot, a Master quit, for fear, A Cheater and his Punk; who, now brought low, PROLOGUE. Fortune, that favours Fools, these two short Hours We wish away, both for your sakes and ours, Judging Spectators; and desire in place, To th' Author Justice, to our selves but Grace. Our Scene is LONDON, 'cause we would make known, No Countries Mirth is better than our own: No Clime breeds better Matter for your Whore, Bawd, Squire, Impostor, many Persons more, Whose Manners, now call'd Humours, feed the Stage; And which have still been Subject for the Rage Or Spleen of Comick Writers. Tho' this Pen The Vices that she breeds, above their Cure. If there be any that will sit so nigh Unto the Stream to look what it doth run, They shall find things, they'ld think, or wish, were done; They are so natural Follies, but so shown, As even the Doers may see, and yet not own. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY. SUBTLE, the Alchemist. FACE, the House-keeper. DOL. COMMON, their Colleague. DAPPER, a Clerk. DRUGGER, a Tobacco-man. LOVE-WIT, Master of the House. EPICURE MAMMON, a Knight. SURLEY, a Gamester. TRIBULATION, a Pastor of Amsterdam. ANANIAS, a Deacon there. KASTRILL, the angry Boy. DA. PLIANT, his Sister, a Widow. Neighbours, Officers, Mutes. The Scene, LONDON. ACT I. SCENE I. Face, Subtle, Dol. Common. Believ't, I will. Sub. Thy worst. If..t at thee. Out at my Dol. Ha' you your Wits? Why Gentlemen! for Love. Fac. Sirrah, I'll strip you. Sub. What to do? lick Figs Fac. Rogue, Rogue, out of all your sleights. Dol., Nay, look ye, Sovereign, General, are you Madmen? Sub. O, let the wild Sheep loose. I'll Gum your Silks With good Strong-water, an' you come. Dol. Will you have The Neighbours hear you? Will you betray all? Heark, I hear some body. Fac. Sirrah Sub. I shall mar All that the Taylor has made, if you approach. Fac. You most notorious Whelp, you insolent Slave, Dare you do this? Sub. Yes faith, yes faith. Fac. Why, who Am I, my Mungril? who am I? Sub. I'll tell you, Since you know not self your Fac. Speak lower, Rogue. Sub. Yes, You were once (time's not long past) the good, Honest, plain Livery-three-pound-thrum, that kept Your Masters Worships House here in the Friers, For the Vacations Fac. Will you be so loud? Sub. Since, by my means, translated Suburb-Captain. Fac. By your means, Doctor Dog? Sub. Within Man's memory, All this I speak of. Fac. Why, I pray you, have I Do but collect, Sir, where I met you first. Sub. I do not hear well. Fac. Not of this, I think it. And your Complexion of the Roman Wash, Sub. I wish you could advance your Voice a little. Fac. When you went pinn'd up in the several Rags Yo' had rak'd and pick'd from Dunghills, before Day; Your Feet in mouldy Slippers, for your Kibes A Felt of Rug, and a thin thredden Cloke, That scarce would cover your no-Buttocks Fac. When all your Alchemy, and your Algebra, Your Conjuring, Coz'ning, and your dozen of Trades, Make it not strange. I know yo' were one could keep The which, together with your Christmass Vails Fac. You might talk softlier, Rascal. Sub. No, you Scarabe, I'll thunder you in Pieces! I will teach you How to beware to tempt a Fury again, That carries Tempest in his Hand and Voice. Thou Vermin, have I ta'ne thee out of Dung, So poor, so wretched, when no living Thing Giv'n thee thy Oaths, thy quarrelling Dimensions? Made thee a Second in mine own great Art? Would you be gone now? Dol. Gentlemen, what mean you? Will you mar all? Sub. Slave, thou had'st no Name Dol. Do you know who hears you, Sovereign? Dol. Nay, General, I thought you were civil Fac. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud. Fac. Hang thee, Colliar, And all thy Pots and Pans, in Picture, I will, Since thou hast mov'd me Dol. (0, this I'll orethrow all.) Fac. Write thee up Bawd in Paul's, have all thy Tricks Of coz'ning with a hollow Coal, Dust, Scrapings, Searching for things lost with a Sieve and Shears, Five Centuries. M |