an Assembler but an Affembler. He never enters a Church by the Door, but clambers up thro' a Window of SequeAration, or fteals in through Vaults and Cellars, by Clandeftine Contracts with an expecting Patron. He is moft fure no Law can hurt him, for Laws died in England the Year before the Affembler was born. The best way to hold him is (as our King Richard bound the King of Cyprus) in Silver Chains. He loves to difcourfe of the New Jerufalem, becaufe her Streets are of fine Gold; and yet could like London as well, were Cheapfide pav'd with the Philofopher's Stone. Nay, he would fay his Prayers with Beads, if he might have a Sett made of all Diamonds: This, this is it which tempts him to fuch mad Articles against the Loyal Clergy, whom he dreffes as he would have them appear, just as the Ballad of Dr. Fauftus brings forth the Devil, in a Friars Weed. He accufed one Minifter for faying, the blessed Virgin was the Mother of God,

solóxos, as the Ancients call her.) Another he charged for a common Drunkard, whom all the Country knows has drunk nothing but Water thefe

thefe twenty-fix Years. But the Af fembler himself can drink Widows Tears, tho' their Husbands are not dead. Sure if Paracelfus's Doctrine were true, (that to eat Creatures alive will perpetuate Man's Life) the Affembler were immortal, for he fwallows quick Men, Wives, and Children, and devours Lives as well as Livings; as if he were born in that Pagan Province where None might Marry till he had killed twelve Chriftians. This. makes him kneel to Lieutenant-General Cromwel (as Indians to the Devil;) for he faw how Oliver firft threw-----, then and can with a Wink do as much for: Like Milo in the Olym picks, by practifing on a Calf grew ftrong enough for a Bull, and could with eafe give a Lift to an Affe. The Great Turk was fending his Ambaffador, to congratulate the Alemblies Proceedings against the Chriftians; He ordered them Thanks for Licenfing his Alcoran to be Printed in English but hearing Ottoman Cromwel had talked of Marching to the Walls of Conftantinople, that Embaffy was ftopt. The only difference 'twixt the Ajembler and a Turk is, that one plants

plants Religion by the Power of the Sword, and the other by the Power of the Cymeter. Nay, the greatest Strife in their whole Conventicle, is, who fhall do worst; for they all intend to make the Church but a Sepulchre, having not only Plunder'd but Anatomiz'd all the true Clergy; whofe Torment is heighten'd in being deftroyed by fuch dull Inftruments; as the Prophet Isaiah was fawn to pieces with a wooden Saw. The Affembler wonders that the King and his Friend live ftill in hope; he thinks them all in St. Clement's Cafe, Drown'd with an Anchor tyed about his Neck. He has now got Power to vifit the Universities, where thefe blinking Vifitors look on eminent Scholars(as the Blind Man who faw Men like Trees) as Timber growing within the Root-and-Branch Ordinance. The Affembler has now left Scholars fo poor, they have fcarce Rags wherewith to make Paper. A Man would think the Two Houfes intend to Transport the Universities, fince they load Affes with College-Revenues. For though thefe Aflemblers made themselves Heads, they are rather Hands of Colleges, for they all are Takers, and

tak

take all. And yet they are fuch creeping Tyrants, that Scholars are Expell'd the two Univerfities, as the old Thracians, forc'd from their Country by Rats and Mice. So that Learning now is fo much advanced, as ArrowSmith's Glafs-Eye fees more than his Natural. They never admit a good Scholar to a Benefice, for the Allem blies Balance is the Lake of Sodom, where Iron fwims and Feathers fink. Their Divinity-Difputations are with Women or Lay-men; and 'tis only on oneQuestion(Epifcopacy) where the Asfembler talks all that he and his Friends can fay, (though his beft medium to prove Presbyters more ancient than BiThops, is that Scribes, Pharifees, Priefts and Elders were before the Apostles ;) Yet if a Scholar or good Argument come, he flies them as much as if they were his Text. This made him curfe Dr. Steward, Dr. Lanoy, and Dr. Hammond; and had he not had more Brafs in his Face than in his Kitchin, he had Hang'd himself at Uxbridge, and ended with that Treaty. For he has naught of Logick, but her clutch'd Fift, and rails at Philofophy as Beggars do at Gentlemen. He has very bad

luck

luck when he deals in Philologie, as one of them (and that no mean Man) who in his Preface to the Reader, fays, that St. Paul had read Euftathius upon Homer, though the Apoftle died a thousand Years before Euftathius was born. The Allemblers Diet is ftrangely different, for he dines wretchedly on dry Bread at Westminster, four Affemblers for thirteen Pence: But this fharpens and whets him for Supper, where he feeds gratis with his CityLandlord, to whom he brings a huge Stomach, and News; for which Cram'd Capons Cram him. He screws into Families where is fome Rich Daughter or Heir; but whoever takes him into their Bofom, will Die like Cleopatra. When it rains he is Coach'd (a Claffis of them together) rowling his Eyes to mark who beholds him. His fhortest things are his Hair and his Cloak. His Hair is cut to the figure of three, two high Cliffs run up his Temples, whole Cap of fhorn Hair fhoots down his Forehead, with Creeks indented, where his Ears ride at Anchor. Had this falfe Prophet been carried with Habakkuk, the Angel had caught faft hold of his Ears, and led