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ACT II.

WH

me fee:

SCENE I.

Before Page's house.

Enter Miftrefs Page with a letter.

Mistress PAGE.

HAT, have I'fcap'd love-letters in the holy-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a fubject for them? let

Afk me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precifian, he admits him not for his counsellor: you are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, fo am I; ha! ba! then there's more fympathy: you love fack, and fo do I; would you defire better fympathy? let it fuffice thee, miftress Page, at the leaft if the love of a foldier can fuffice, that I love thee. I will not fay, pity me, 'tis not a foldier-like phrase; but I fay, love me:

By me, thine own true knight, by day or night,
Or any kind of light, with all his might,
For thee to fight.
John Falstaff.

What a Herod of Jury is this! O wicked, wicked world! one that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! what unweigh'd behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard pick'd, i' th' devil's name, out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner affay me? why, he hath not been thrice in my company: what should I fay to him? I was then frugal of my mirth; heav'n forgive me! why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of mum*: how fhall I be reveng'd

2 A fattening liquor much in ufe among the Flemings, as she had call'd him a Flemish drunkard a few lines before: and it is to be obferv'd that about the time when this play was written there were on foot feveral bills in parliament for reftraining the use of strong liquors, fuppreffing the multitude of maltfters, and the great brewing of strong beer, and regulating inns, taverns, and alehouses.

on

on him? for reveng'd I will be, as fure as his guts are made of puddings.

SCENE II.

Enter mistress Ford.

Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! truft me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, truft me, I was coming to you; you look very ill.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that: I have to show to the contrary.

Mrs. Page. 'Faith, you do, in my mind.

Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I fay, I could fhow you to the contrary: o mistress Page, give me fome counsel.

Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman?

Mrs. Ford. O woman! if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to fuch honour.

Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour; what is it? dispense with trifles; what is it?

Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or fo, I could be knighted.

Mrs. Page. What, thou lieft! fir Alice Ford! these knights will hack, and fo thou should'st not alter the article of thy gentry.

Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light; here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted: I fhall think the worse of fat men as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking, and yet he would not fwear; prais'd women's modefty; and gave fuch orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomclinefs, that I would have fworn his difpofition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere, and keep place together, than the hundredth pfalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with fo many tun of oil in his belly, a'fhore at Windfor? how fhall I be reveng'd on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, 'till the wicked fire of luft have melted him in his own greafe. Did you ever hear the like?

Mrs.

than the

Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter; but let thine inherit first, for, I protest, mine never fhall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of thefe letters, writ with blank space for different names; nay, more; and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt, for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantefs, and lye under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lafcivious turtles, ere one chafte man.

Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very words; what doth he think of us?

fame, the very hand, the very

Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not; it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honefty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, fure, unless he knew fome ftain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call it you? I'll be fure to keep him above deck.

Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to fea again. Let's be reveng'd on him; let's appoint him a meeting, give him a fhow of comfort in his fuit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, 'till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine hoft of the garter.

huf

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will confent to act any villainy against him that may not fully the charinefs of our honefty: o, that my band saw this letter ! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look where he comes, and my good man too; he's as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeafurable distance.

Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman.

Mrs. Page. Let's confult together against this greasy knight. Come hither.

VOL. I.

G g

SCENE

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Enter Ford with Pistol, Page with Nym.

Ford. Well, I hope, it be not so.

Pift. Hope is a cur-tail-dog in fome affairs.

Sir John affects thy wife.

Ford. Why, fir, my wife is not young.

Pift. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford;

He loves thy gally-mawfry, Ford, perpend.

Ford. Love my wife?

Pift. With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou, like fir Acteon, with Ring-wood at thy heels-o, odious is the name! Ford. What name, fir?

Pift. The horn, I say: farewel.

Take heed, have open eye; for thieves do foot by night.
Take heed, ere fummer comes, or cuckoo-birds do fing.
Away, fir corporal Nym

Believe it, Page, he speaks fense.

[Exit Pistol.

Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true: I like not the humour of lying; he hath wrong'd me in fome humours: I fhould have born the humour'd letter to her; but I have a fword, and it shall bite upon my neceffity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I fpeak, and I avouch; 'tis true; my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese: adieu.

Speaking

to Page.

[Exit Nym.

Page. The humour of it, quoth'a? here's a fellow frights humour out of its wits.

Ford. I will feek out Falstaff.

Page. I never heard fuch a drawling, affected rogue.

Ford. If I do find it -well!

Page. I will not believe fuch a Cataian, though the priest o'th' town commended him for a true man.

Ford. 'Twas a good fenfible fellow: well!

SCENE

SCENE IV.

Page. How now, Meg? [Page and Ford meeting their wives. Mrs. Pag. Whither go you, George? hark you.

Mrs. Ford. How now, fweet Frank, why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou haft come crotchets in thy head now. Will you go, mistress Page?

Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George? Look, who comes yonder; fhe fhall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

Enter mistress Quickly.

Mrs. Ford. Truft me, I thought on her; fhe'll fit it.
Mrs. Page. You are come to fee my daughter Anne?
Quic. Ay, forfooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne?
Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and fee; we have an hour's talk with
[Ex. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quic.

you.

SCENE V.

Page. How now, master Ford?

Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not?
Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me?
Ford. Do you think there is truth in them?

Page. Hang 'em, flaves! I do not think the knight would offer it; and these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoak of his discarded men, very rogues now they be out of fervice.

Ford. Were they his men?

Page. Marry, were they.

Ford. I like it never the better for that. Does he lye at the garter?

Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend his voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lye on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to

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