On Fortune's velvet altar off'ring up
Their last poor pittance-Fortune, most severe Of goddesses yet known, and costlier far
Than all that held their routs in Juno's heaven.- So fare we in this prison-house, the World; And 'tis a fearful spectacle to see
So many maniacs dancing in their chains. They gaze upon the links, that hold them fast, With eyes of anguish, execrate their lot, Then shake them in despair, and dance again! Now basket up the family of plagues, That waste our vitals; peculation, sale Of honour, perjury, corruption, frauds By forgery, by subterfuge of law,
By tricks and lies as numerous and as keen As the necessities their authors feel; Then cast them, closely bundled, every brat At the right door. Profusion is the sire. Profusion unrestrain'd, with all that's base In character, has litter'd all the land, And bred, within the mem'ry of no few, A priesthood, such as Baal's was of old, A people, such as never was till now It is a hungry vice;-it eats up all That gives society its beauty, strength, Convenience, and security, and use:
Makes men mere vermin, worthy to be trapp'd And gibbeted, as fast as catchpole claws Can seize the slipp'ry prey: unties the knot Of union, and converts the sacred band, That holds mankind together, to a scourge. Profusion, deluging a state with lusts Of grossest nature and of worst effects, Prepares it for its ruin: hardens, blinds And warps the consciences of public men, Till they can laugh at Virtue; mock the fools That trust them; and in the end disclose a face That would have shock'd Credulity herself, Unmask'd, vouchsafing this their sole excuse- Since all alike are selfish, why not they? This does profusion, and th' accursed cause Of such deep mischief has itself a cause. In colleges and halls in ancient days, When learning, virtue, piety, and truth, Were precious, and inculcated with care, There dwelt a sage call'd Discipline. His head,
Not yet by time completely silver'd o'er, Bespoke him past the bounds freakish youth, But strong for service still, and unimpair'd, His eye was meek and gentle, and a smile Play'd on his lips; and in his speech was heard Paternal sweetness, dignity, and love. The occupation dearest to his heart
Was to encourage goodness. He would stroke The head of modest and ingenuous worth,
That blush'd at his own praise; and press the youth Close to his side, that pleas'd him. Learning grew Beneath his care a thriving vig'rous plant; The mind was well inform'd, the passions held Subordinate, and diligence was choice.
If e'er it chanc'd, as sometimes chance it must, That one among so many overleap'd The limits of control, his gentle eye
Grew stern, and darted a severe rebuke; His frown was full of terror, and his voice Shook the delinquent with such fits of awe, As left him not, till penitence had won
Lost favour back again, and clos'd the breach. But Discipline, a faithful servant long, Declin'd at length into the vale of years: A palsy struck his arm; his sparkling eye
Was quench'd in rheums of age; his voice unstrung, Grew tremulous, and mov'd derision more Than rev'rence in perverse, rebellious youth. So colleges and halls neglected much
Their good old friend; and Discipline at length, O'erlook'd and unemploy'd, fell sick and died. Then Study languish'd, Emulation slept, And Virtue fled. The schools became a scene Of solemn farce, where Ignorance in stilts, His cap well lin'd with logic not his own, With parrot tongue perform'd the scholar's part, Proceeding soon a graduated dunce,
Then Compromise had place, and Scrutiny Became stone blind; Precedence went in truck, And he was competent whose purse was so. A dissolution of all bonds ensued;
The curbs invented for the mulish mouth
Of headstrong youth were broken; bars and bolts Grew rusty by disuse; and massy gates
Forgot their office, op'ning with a touch;
Till gowns at length are found mere masquerade,
The tassel'd cap, and the spruce band a jest, A mockery of the world! What need of these For gamesters, jockeys, brothelless impure, Spendthrifts, and booted sportsmen, oft'ner seen With belted waist, and pointers at their heels, Than in the bounds of duty? What was learn'd, If aught was learn'd, in childhood, is forgot; And such expense, as pinches parents blue, And mortifies the lib'ral hand of love, Is squander'd in pursuit of idle sports And vicious pleasures; buys the boy a name, That sits a stigma on his father's house, And cleaves through life inseparably close To him that wears it. What can after-games Of riper joys, and commerce with the world, The lewd vain world, that must receive him soon, Add to such erudition, thus acquir'd,
Where science and where virtue are profess'd? They may confirm his habits, rivet fast His folly, but to spoil him is a task That bids defiance to th' united powers Of fashion, dissipation, taverns, stews.
Now blame we most the nurslings or the nurse? The children crook'd, and twisted, and deform'd, Through want of care, or her, whose winking eye And slumb'ring oscitancy mars the brood? The nurse no doubt. Regardless of her charge, She needs herself correction; needs to learn That it is dang'rous sporting with the world, With things so sacred as a nation's trust, The nurture of her youth, her dearest pledge. All are not such. I had a brother once- Peace to the memory of a man of worth, A man of letters, and of manners too! Of manners sweet as Virtue always wears, When gay Good-nature dresses her in smiles. He graced a college,* in which order yet Was sacred; and was honour'd, loved, and wept, By more than one, themselves conspicuous there. Some minds are temper'd happily, and mix'd With such ingredients of good sense, and taste Of what is excellent in man, they thirst With such a zeal to be what they approve, That no restraints can circumscribe them more Than they themselves by choice, for wisdom's sake.
Nor can example hurt them: what they see' Of vice in others but enhancing more The charms of virtue in their just esteem. If such escape contagion, and emerge Pure from so foul a pool to shine abroad, And give the world their talents and themselves, Small thanks to those whose negligence or sloth Expos'd their inexperience to the snare, And left them to an undirected choice.
See then the quiver broken and decay'd, In which are kept our arrows! Rusting there In wild disorder, and unfit for use,
What wonder if, discharg'd into the world, They shame their shooters with a random flight, Their points obtuse, and feathers drunk with wine. Well may the church wage unsuccessful war With such artill'ry arm'd. Vice parries wide Th' undreaded volley with a sword of straw, And stands an impudent and fearless mark.
Have we not track'd the felon home, and found His birth-place and his dam? The country mourns, Mourns because every plague that can infest Society, and that snaps and worms the base Of th' edifice that Policy has rais'd,
Swarms in all quarters: meets the eye and ear, And suffocates the breath at every turn. Profusion breeds them; and the cause itself Of that calamitous mischief has been found: Found too where most offensive, in the skirts Of the robed pedagogue! Else let the arraign'd Stand up unconscious, and refute the charge. So when the Jewish leader stretch'd his arm, And waved his rod divine, a race obscene, Spawn'd in the muddy beds of Nile, came forth, Polluting Egypt: gardens, fields, and plains, Were cover'd with the pest; the streets were fill'd; The croaking nuisance lurk'd in every nook; Nor palaces, nor even chambers, 'scaped; And the land stank-so num'rous was the fry.
Self-recollection and reproof-Address to domestic happiness.---Some account of myself.-The vanity of many of their pursuits who are reputed wise.-Justification of my censures.-Divine illumination necessary to the most expert philosopher.-The question, What is truth? answered by other questions.-Domestic happiness addressed again. -Few lovers of the country.-My tame hare.---Occupations of a retired gentleman in his garden.-Pruning...Framing. Green-house. Sowing of flower-seeds.-The country preferable to the town even in winter. Reasons why it, is deserted at that season.--Ruinous ef fects of gaming, and of expensive improvement.---Book concludes with au apostrophe to the metropolis.
As one, who long in thickets and in brakes Entangled, winds now this way and now that His devious course uncertain, seeking home; Or, having long in miry ways been foil'd And sore discomforted, from slough to slough Plunging and half despairing of escape;
If chance at length he find a greensward smooth And faithful to the foot, his spirits rise, He cherup brisk his ear-erecting steed,
And winds his way with pleasure and with ease; So I, designing other themes, and call'd Tadorn the Sofa with eulogium due,
To tell its slumbers, and to paint its dreams, Have rambled wide, in country, city, seat Of academic fame (howe'er deserv'd),
eng held, and scarcely disengag'd at last. Winow with pleasant pace a cleaner road That to tread. I feel myself at large, Than tous, and refresh'd for future toil, it me, or if dangers new
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