THE SPECTATOR. No. 395. VO L. VI. Tuesday, June 3, 1712. Quod nunc Ratio eft, Impetus antè fuit. 'Tis Reafon now, 'twas Appetite before. B Ovid. EWARE of the Ides of March, faid the Roman Augur to Julius Cæfar: Beware of the Month of May, fays the British Spectator to his fair Countrywomen. The Caution of the first was unhappily neglected, and Cæfar's Confidence coft him his Life. I am apt to flatter my felf that my pretty Readers had much more regard to the Advice I gave them, fince I have yet received very few Accounts of any notorious Trips made in the last Month. BUT tho' I hope for the best, I fhall not pronounce too pofitively on this Point, 'till I have feen forty Weeks well over, at which Period of Time, as my good Friend Sir ROGER has often told me, he has more Business as a Juftice of Peace, among the diffolute young People in the Country, than at any other Seafon of the Year. NEITHER A 4 NEITHER muft I forget a Letter which I receiv'd near a fortnight fince from a Lady, who, it seems, could hold out no longer, telling me fhe looked upon the Month as then out, for that she had all along reckoned by the New Stile. On the other hand, I have great reason to believe, from feveral angry Letters which have been sent to me by difappointed Lovers, that my Advice has been of very fignal Service to the fair Sex, who, according to the old Proverb, were Forewarn'd forearm'd. One of thefe Gentlemen tells me, that he would have given me an hundred Pounds, rather than I should have publish'd that Paper, for that his Mistress, who had promifed to explain herself to him about the Beginning of May, upon reading that Discourse told him that she would give him her Anfwer in June. THYRSIS acquaints me, that when he defir'd Sylvia to take a Walk in the Fields, fhe told him the Spectator bad forbidden her. ANOTHER of my Correfpondents, who writes himfelf Mat Maigre, complains, that whereas he conftantly ufed to breakfaft with his Miftrefs upon Chocolate, going to wait upon her the first of May he found his usual Treat very much changed for the worfe, and has been forced to feed ever fince upon Green Tea. AS I begun this Critical Seafon with a Caveat to the Ladies, I fhall conclude it with a Congratulation, and do moft heartily wish them Joy of their happy Delive rance. THEY may now reflect with Pleasure on the Dangers they have escaped, and look back with as much Satisfaction on the Perils that threatened them, as their GreatGrandmothers did formerly on the Burning Ploughfhares, after having paffed through the Ordeal Trial. The Inftigations of the Spring are now abated. The Nightingale gives over her Love-labour'd Song, as Milton phrases it, the Bloffoms are fallen, and the Beds of Flowers fwept away by the Scythe of the Mower. I fhall now allow my Fair Readers to return to their Romances and Chocolate, provided they make use of them with Moderation, 'till about the Middle of the Month, when the Sun fhall have made fome Progress in the the Crab. Nothing is more dangerous, than too much Confidence and Security. The Trojans, who stood upon their Guard all the while the Grecians lay before their City, when they fancied the Siege was raifed, and the Danger paft, were the very next night burnt in their Beds. I must also observe, that as in fome Climates there is a perpetual Spring, so in some Female Conftitutions there is a perpetual May: These are a kind of Valetudinarians in Chastity, whom I would continue in a conftant Diet. I cannot think these wholly out of Danger, 'till they have looked upon the other Sex at least five Years through a Pair of Spectacles. WILL HONEYCOMB has often affur'd me, that 'tis much easier to steal one of this Species, when she has paffed her grand Climacterick, than to carry off an icy Girl on this fide Five and Twenty; and that a Rake of his Acquaintance, who had in vain endeavoured to gain the Affections of a young Lady of Fifteen, had at laft made his Fortune by running away with her Grand mother. BUT as I do not defign this Speculation for the Evergreens of the Sex, I fhall again apply my felf to those who would willingly liften to the Dictates of Reafon and Virtue, and can now hear me in cold Blood. If there are any who have forfeited their Innocence they must now confider themselves under that melancholy View, in which Chamont regards his Sifter, in those beautiful Lines. -Long fhe flourish'd, Grew fweet to Senfe, and lovely to the Eye: Cropt this fair Rofe, and rifled all its Sweetness,. away. ON the contrary, the who has obferv'd the timely Cautions I gave her, and lived up to the Rules of Modefty, will now flourish like a Rofe in June with all her Virgin Blushes and Sweetnefs about her: I muft, however, defire these last to confider, how shameful it would be for a General, who has made a Successful Campaign; to be furprized in his Winter Quarters: It would be no lefs dishonourable for a Lady to lose, in any other Month of the Year, what he has been at the pains to preferve in May. A 5 THERE THERE is no Charm in the Female Sex, that can fup ply the place of Virtue. Without Innocence, Beauty is unlovely, and Quality contemptible, Good-breeding degenerates into Wantonness, and Wit into Impudence. It is observed, that all the Virtues are represented by both Painters and Statuaries under Female Shapes, but if any one of them has a more particular Title to that Sex, it is Modefty. I fhall leave it to the Divines to guard them againft the oppofite Vice, as they may be over-power'd by Temptations; It is fufficient for me to have warned them against it, as they may be led aftray by Instinct. I defire this Paper may be read with more than ordinary Attention, at all Tea-Tables within the Cities of London and Westminster. No. 396. Wednesday, June 4. Barbara, celarent, Darii, Ferio, Baralipton *. HAVING a great deal of Bufinefs upon my Hands at prefent, I fhall beg the Reader's Leave to prefent him with a Letter that I received about half a Year ago from a Gentleman of Cambridge, who ftiles himfelf Peter de Quir. I have kept it by me fome Months, and though I did not know at first what to make of it, upon my reading it over very frequently I have at last difcovered feveral Conceits in it: I would not therefore have my Reader difcouraged if he does not take them at the firft Perufal. To Mr. SPECTATOR. From St. John's College Cambridge, Feb. 3, 1712. SIR, T HE Monopoly of Puns in this University has been an immemorial Privilege of the Johnians; ' and we can't help refenting the late Invafion of our ⚫ ancient * A barbarous Verse, invented by the Logicians. 'ancient Right as to that Particular, by a little Pretender to Clenching in a neighbouring College, who in an Application to you by way of Letter, a while ago, ftiled himself Philobrune. Dear Sir, as you are by Cha⚫racter a profeft Well-wisher to Speculation, you will excufe a Remark which this Gentleman's Paffion for the Brunette has fuggefted to a Brother Theorist: 'tis an Offer towards a mechanical Account of his Lapfe to Punning, for he belongs to a Set of Mortals ⚫ who value themselves upon an uncommon Mastery in 'the more humane and polite Part of Letters. A Con'queft by one of this Species of Females gives a very odd Turn to the Intellectuals of the captivated Perfon, and very different from that way of thinking which a Triumph from the Eyes of another, more emphatically of the fair Sex, does generally occafion. It fills the Imagination with an Affemblage of fuch Ideas and Pictures as are hardly any thing but Shade, fuch as Night, the Devil, &c. Thefe Portraitures very near overpower the Light of the Understanding, almost benight the Faculties, and give that melancholy Tincture to the most fanguine Complexion, which this Gentle• man calls an Inclination to be in a brown-ftudy, and is ufually attended with worfe Confequences, in cafe ⚫ of a Repulse. During this Twilight of Intellects, the • Patient is extremely apt, as Love is the moft witty • Paffion in Nature, to offer at fome pert Sallies now and then, by way of Flourish, upon the amiable En⚫ chantress, and unfortunately ftumbles upon that Mungrel mifcreated (to speak in Miltonic) kind of Wit, vulgarly termed the Pun. It would not be much amits to confult Dr. T- -W. -(who is certainly a very ⚫able Projector, and whofe Syftem of Divinity and Spi• ritual Mechanicks obtains very much among the better Part of our Under-Graduates) whether a general • Inter-marriage, enjoined by Parliament, between this • Sifter-hood of the Olive Beauties, and the Fraternity, • of the People call'd Quakers, would not be a very fer'viceable Expedient, and abate that Overflow of Light which shines within them fo powerfully, that it daz• zles their Eyes, and dances them into a thoufand Vagaries of Error and Enthusiasm. Thefe Reflections may |