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The helpless traveller, with wild surprise,
selves with a contrition suitable to our worth Sees the dry desert all around him rise,
lessness, some pretty young ladies in mobs And smother'd in the dusty whirlwind, dies.
popped in here and there about the church. • When Sempronius promises himself the pos- clattering the pew-door after them, and squat session of Marcia by a rape, he triumphs in the ting into a whisper behind their fans. Among prospect, and exults in his villany, by represent, others, one of lady Lizard's daughters, and her ing it to himself in a manner wonderfully suited hopeful maid, made their entrance: the young to the vanity and impiety of his character.
lady did not omit the ardent form behind the So Pluto, seized of Proserpine, conveyed
fan, while the maid immediately gaped round | To hell's tremendous gloom th' affrighted maid ; her to look for some other devout person, whom
There grimly smil'd, pleased with the beauteous prize, I saw at a distance very well dressed; his air Nor envy'd Jove his sunshine and his skies.
and habit a little military, but in the pertness, • Pray old Nestor, trouble thyself no more with not the true possession, of the martial characthe squabbles of old lovers ; tell them from me ter. This jackanapes was fixed at the end of a now they are past the sins of the flesh, they are got into those of the spirit; desire hurts the pew, with the utmost impudence, declaring, by
a fixed eye on that seat (where our beauty was soul less than malice ; it is not now, as when placed) the object of his devotion. This obscene they were Sappho and Phaon. I am, sir, your sight gave me all the indignation imaginable
, affectionate humble servant,
and I could attend to nothing but the reflection, that the greatest affronts imaginable are such
as no one can take notice of. Before I was out No. 65.] Tuesday, May 26, 1713. of such vexatious inadvertencies to the business
of the place, there was a great deal of good comInter scabiem tantam et contagia.
pany now come in. There was a good number Hor. Lib. 1. Ep. xii. 13.
of very janty slatterns, who gave us to underAmidst the poison of such infectious times. We stand, that it is neither dress nor art to which
they were beholden for the town's admiration THERE is not any where, I believe, so much Besides these, there were also by this time artalk about religion, as among us in England; rived two or three sets of whisperers, who carry nor do I think it possible for the wit of man to on most of their calumnies by what they enterdevise forms of address to the Almighty, in tain one another with in that place, and we were more ardent and forcible terms than are every now altogether very good company. There where to be found in our book of common were indeed a few, in whose looks there apprayer; and yet I have heard it read with such peared a heavenly joy and gladness upon the a negligence, affectation, and impatience, that entrance of a new day, as if they had gone to the efficacy of it has been apparently lost to all sleep with expectation of it. For the sake of the congregation. For my part, I make no these it is worth while that the church keeps scruple to own it, that I go sometimes to a par- up such early matins throughout the cities of ticular place in the city, far distant from mine London and Westminster ; but the generality own home, to hear a gentleman, whose manner of those who observe that hour, perform it with I admire, read the liturgy. I am persuaded so tasteless a behaviour, that it appears a task devotion is the greatest pleasure of his soul, and rather than a voluntary act. But of all the there is none hears him read without the ut- world, those familiar ducks who are, as it were,
I have seen the young people, at home at the church, and by frequently meetwho have been interchanging glances of pas- ing there throw the time of prayer very negli. sion to each other's person, checked into an at- gently into their common life, and make their tention to the service at the interruption which coming together in that place as ordinary as the authority of his voice has given them. But any other action, and do not turn their converthe other morning I happened to rise earlier sation upon any improvements suitable to the than ordinary, and thought I could not pass my true design of that house, but on trifles below time better, than to go upon the admonition of even their worldly concerns and characters, the morning bell, to the church prayers at six These are little groups of acquaintance dispersed of the clock. I was there the first of any in in all parts of the town, who are, forsooth, the the congregation, and had the opportunity, how- only people of unspotted characters, and throw ever I made use of it, to look back on all my all the spots that stick on those of other people. life, and contemplate the blessing and advantage Malice is the ordinary vice of those who live in of such stated early hours for offering ourselves the mode of religion, without the spirit of it. to our Creator, and prepossess ourselves with The pleasurable world are hurried by their pas. the love of Him, and the hopes we have from sions above the consideration of what others Him, against the snares of business and plea- think of them, into a pursuit of irregular enjoy. sure in the ensuing day. But whether it be ments; while these, who forbear the gratifica. that people think fit to indulge their own ease tions of flesh and blood, without having won in some secret, pleasing fault, or whatever it over the spirit to the interests of virtue, are im. was, there was none at the confession but a set placable in defamations on the errors of such of poor scrubs of us, who could sin only in our who offend without respect to fame. But the wills, whose persons could be no temptation to consideration of persons whom one cannot but one another, and might have, without interrup- take notice of, when one sees them in that place, tion from any body else, humble, lowly hearts, has drawn me out of my intended talk, which in frightful looks and dirty dresses, at our lei- was to bewail that people do not know the plea
When we poor souls had presented our sure of early hours, and of dedicating their
At last on him
first moments of the day, with joy and single. Set twelve at supper; one above the rest
Takes all the talk, and breaks a scurvy jest ness of heart, to their Creator. Experience
On all except the master of the feast; would convince us, that the earlier we left our beds, the seldomer should we be confined to them.
THE following letter is full of imagination, One great good which would also accrue from and in a fabulous manner sets forth a connecthis, were it become a fashion, would be, that it tion between things, and an alliance between is possible our chief divines would condescend persons, that are very distant and remote to to pray themselves, or at least those whom they common eyes. I think I know the hand to be substitute would be better supplied, than to be that of a very ingenious man, and shall there. forced to appear at those oraisons in a garb and fore give it the reader without farther preface. attire which makes them appear mortified with worldly want, and not abstracted from the world
To the Guardian. by the contempt of it. How is it possible for a gentleman, under the income of fifty pounds a
'SIR,—There is a set of mankind, who are year, to be attentive to sublime things ? He wholly employed in the ill-natured office of must rise and dress like a labourer for sordid gathering up a collection of stories that lessen hire, instead of approaching his place of service the reputation of others, and spreading them with the utmost pleasure and satisfaction, that abroad with a certain air of satisfaction. Per. now he is going to be mouth of a crowd of haps indeed, an innocent unmeaning curiosity, people who have laid aside all the distinctions a desire of being informed concerning those we of this contemptible being, to beseech a pro- live with, or a willingness to profit by reflection tection under its manifold pains and disadvan- upon the actions of others, may sometimes tages, or a release from it, by his favour who afford an excuse, or sometimes å defence for sent them into it. He would, with decent su- inquisitiveness; but certainly it is beyond all periority, look upon himself as orator before excuse a transgression against humanity to the throne of grace, for a crowd, who hang upon carry the matter farther, to tear off the dresshis words, while he asks for them all that is ings as I may say, from the wounds of a friend, necessary in a transitory life ; from the assur- and expose them to the air in cruel fits of diver. ance that a good behaviour, for a few moments sion; and yet we have something more to bein it
, will purchase endless joy and happy im- moan, an outrage of a higher nature, which mortality.
mankind is guilty of when they are not con. But who can place himself in this view, who, tent to spread the stories of folly, frailty, and though not pinched with want, is distracted with vice, but even enlarge them, or invent new care from the fear of it? No; a man, in the ones, and blacken characters that we may least degree below the spirit of a saint or a mar- appear ridiculous or hateful to one another. tyr, will loll, huddle over his duty, look con. From such practices as these it happens, that fused, or assume a resolution in his behaviour some feel a sorrow, and others are agitated which will be quite as ungraceful, except he is with a spirit of revenge ; that scandals or lies supported above the necessities of life.
are told, because another has told such before ; • Power and commandment to his minister to that resentments and quarrels arise, and af. declare and pronounce to his people,' is men fronts and injuries are given, received, and tioned with a very unguarded air, when the multiplied, in a scene of vengeance. speaker is known in his own private condition
All this I have often observed with abund. to be almost an object of their pity and charity. ance of concern, and having a perfect desire to This last circumstance, with many others here further the happiness of mankind, I lately set loosely suggested, are the occasion that one myself to consider the causes from whence such knows not how to recommend, to such as have evils arise, and the remedies which may be not already a fixed sense of devotion, the plea- applied. Whereupon I shut my eyes to prevent sure of passing the earliest hours of the day in a distraction from outward objects, and a while a public congregation. But were this morning after shot away, upon an impulse of thought, solemnity as much in vogue, even as it is now into the world of ideas, where abstracted qua. at more advanced hours of the day, it would lities became visible in such appearances as necessarily have so good an effect upon us, as
were agreeable to each of their natures. to make us more disengaged and cheerful in . That part of the country where I happened conversation, and less artful and insincere in to light, was the most noisy that I had ever business. The world would be quite another known. The winds whistled, the leaves rustled, place than it is now, the rest of the day; and the brooks rumbled, the birds chattered, the every face would have an alacrity in it, which tongues of men were heard, and the echo can be borrowed from no other reflections, but mingled something of every sound in its repe. those which give us the assured protection of tition, so that there was a strange confusion
and uproar of sounds about me.
At length, as the noise still increased, I could discern a man habited like a herald, (and as I afterwards
understood) called Novelty, that came forward Wednesday, May 27, 1713. proclaiming a solemn day to be kept at the
house of Common Fame. Immediately behind Sæpe tribus lectis videas cænare quaternos;
him advanced three nymphs, who had monE quibus unus avet quavis aspergere cunctos, Præter eum qui prcbet aquam; post, hunc quoque
strous appearances. The first of these was
Curiosity, habited like a virgin, and having a
Hor. Lib. 1. Sat. iy. 86.
hundred ears upon her head to serve in her room, brought forth the victims, being to ap. inquiries. The second of these was Talkative. pearance a set of small waxen images, which ness, a little better grown; she seemed to be she laid upon the table one after another. like a young wife, and had a hundred tongues Immediately then Talkativeness gave each of to spread her stories. The third was Censori. them the name of some one, whom for that time ousness, habited like a widow, and surrounded they were to represent; and Censoriousness with a hundred squinting eyes of a malignant stuck them all about with black pins, still proinfluence, which so obliquely darted on all nouncing at every one she stuck, something to around, that it was impossible to say which the prejudice of the persons represented. No of them had brought in the information she sooner were these rites performed, and incan. boasted of. These, as I was informed, had tations uttered, but the sound of a speaking been very instrumental in preserving and rear- trumpet was heard in the air, by which they ing Common Fame, when upon her birth-day knew the deity of the place was propitiated she was shuffled into a crowd, to escape the and assisting. 'Upon this the sky grew darker, search which Truth might have made after her a storm arose, and murmurs, sighs, groans, and her parents. Curiosity found her there, cries, and the words of grief, or resentment, Talkativeness conveyed her away, and Cen- were heard within it. Thus the three sorsoriousness so nursed her up, that in a short ceresses discovered, that they whose names time she grew to a prodigious size, and obtain they had given to the images were already ed an empire over the universe; wherefore the affected with what was done to them in effigy. power, in gratitude for these services, has since The knowledge of this was received with the advanced them to her highest employments. loudest laughter, and in many congratulatory The next who came forward in the procession words they applauded one another's wit and was a light damsel, called Credulity, who car-power. ried behind them the lamp, the silver vessel with • As matters were at this high point of dis. a spout, and other instruments proper for this order, the muffled lady, whom I attended on, solemn occasion.
being no longer able to endure such barbarous . She had formerly seen these three together, proceedings, threw off her upper garment of and conjecturing from the number of their ears, Reserve, and appeared to be Truth. As soon tongues, and eyes, that they might be the pro- as she had confessed herself present, the speakper genii of Attention, Familiar Converse, and ing trumpet ceased to sound, the sky cleared Ocular Demonstration, she from that time gave up, the storm abated, the noises which were herself up to attend them. The last who follow- heard in it ended, the laughter of the company ed were some who had closely muffled them was over, and a serene light, till then unknown selves in upper garments, so that I could not to the pla diffused around it. At this the discern who they were ; but just as the foremost detected sorceresses endeavoured to escape in a of them was come up, I am glad, says she, cloud which I saw began to thicken round them ; calling me by my name, to meet you at this but it was soon dispersed, their charms being time; stay close by me, and take a strict obser-controlled, and prevailed over by the superior vation of all that passes : her voice was sweet divinity. For my part I was exceedingly glad and commanding, I thought I had somewhere to see it so, and began to consider what punish. heard it; and from her, as I went along, I ment she would inflict upon them. I fancied it learned the meaning of every thing which would be proper to cut off Curiosity's ears, and offered.
fix them to the eaves of the houses : to nail the •We now marched forward through the tongues of Talkativeness to Indian tables; and Rookery of Rumours, which flew thick, and to put out the eyes of Censoriousness with a with a terrible din, all around us. At length flash of her light. In respect of Credulity, I we arrived at the house of Common Fame, had indeed some little pity, and had I been where a hecatomb of reputations was that day judge she might, perhaps, have escaped with a to fall for her pleasure. The house stood upon hearty reproof. an eminence, having a thousand passages to it, • But I soon found that the discerning judge and a thousand whispering holes for the con had other designs. She knew them for such vegance of sound. The hall we entered was as will not be destroyed entirely while mankind formed with the art of a music.chamber for the is in being, and yet ought to have a brand and improvement of noises. Rest and silence are punishment affixed to them that they may be banished the place. Stories of different natures avoided. Wherefore she took a seat for judg. wander in light flocks all about, sometimes ment, and had the criminals brought forward truths and lies, or sometimes lies themselves by Shame ever blushing, and Trouble with a clashing against one another. In the middle whip of many lashes; two phantoms who had stood a table painted after the manner of the dogged the procession in disguise, and waited remotest Asiatic countries, upon which the till they had an authority from Truth to lay lamp, the silver vessel, and cups of a white hands upon them. Immediately then she orearth, were planted in order. Then dried herbs dered Curiosity and Talkativeness to be fettered were brought, collected for the solemnity in together, that the one should never suffer the moon-shine, and water being put to them, there other to rest, nor the other ever let her remain was a greenish liquor made, to which they undiscovered. Light Credulity she linked to added the Aower of milk, and an extraction Shame at the tormentor's own request, who was from the canes of America, for performing a pleased to be thus secure that her prisoner could libation to the infernal powers of Mischief. not escape ; and this was done partly for her After this, Curiosity, retiring to a withdrawing punishment, and partly for her amendmentCensoriousness was also in like manner begged | who, of late years, had furnished him with tho by Trouble, and had her assigned for an eternal accommodations of life, and would not, as we companion. After they were thus chained with say, be paid with a song. In order to extricate one another, by the judge's order, she drove my old friend, I immediately sent for the three them from the presence to wander for ever directors of the playhouse, and desired them through the world, with Novelty stalking before that they would in their turn do a good office them.
for a man who, in Shakspeare's phrase, had often • The cause being now over, she retreated | filled their mouths, I mean with pleasantry, and from sight within the splendour of her own popular conceits. They very generously listened glory; which leaving the house it had bright to my proposal, and agreed to act the Plotting ened, the sounds that were proper to the place Sisters, (a very taking play of my old friend's began to be as loud and confused as when we composing) on the fifteenth of the next month, entered; and there being no longer a clear dis- for the benefit of the author. tinguished appearance of any objects represent, My kindness to the agreeable Mr. d'Urfey ed to me, I returned from the excursion I had will be imperfect, if, after having engaged the made in fancy.'
players in his favour, I do not get the town to come into it. I must therefore heartily recom
mend to all the young ladies, my disciples, the No. 67.]
case of my old friend, who has often made their Thursday, May 28, 1713.
grandmothers merry, and whose sonnets have ne forte pudori
perhaps lulled asleep many a present toast, when Sic tibi musa lyræ solers, et cantor Apollo. she lay in her cradle.
Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 406. I have already prevailed on my lady Lizard Blush not to patronize the muse's skill.
to be at the house in one of the front boxes, and
design, if I am in town, to lead her in myself It has been remarked, by curious observers, at the head of her daughters. The gentleman that poets are generally long-lived, and run be. I am speaking of has laid obligations on so yond the usual age of man, if not cut off by some many of his countrymen, that I hope they will accident or excess, as Anacreon, in the midst of think this but a just return to the good service a very merry old age, was choaked with a grape of a veteran poet. stone. The same redundancy of spirits that pro- I myself remember king Charles the Second duces the poetical flame, keeps up the vital leaning on Tom d'Urfey's shoulder more than warmth, and administers uncommon fuel to life. once, and humming over a song with him. It I question not but several instances will occur is certain that monarch was not a little supportto my reader's memory, from Homer down to ed by Joy to great Cæsar,' which gave the Mr. Dryden. I shall only take notice of two whigs such a blow as they were not able to rewho have excelled in lyrics; the one an ancient, cover that whole reign. My friend afterwards and the other a modern. The first gained an attacked popery with the same success, having immortal reputation by celebrating several exposed Bellarmine and Porto-Carrero more jockeys in the olympic games, the last has sig. than once in short satirical compositions, which nalized himself on the same occasion by the ode have been in every body's mouth. He has made that begins with— To horse, brave boys, to use of Italian tunes and sonatas for promoting Newmarket, to horse.' My reader will, by this the protestant interest, and turned a consideratime, know that the two poets I have mentioned, ble part of the pope's music against himself. In are Pindar and Mr. d'Urfey. The former of short, he has obliged the court with political these is long since laid in his urn, after having, sonnets, the country with dialogues and pastomany years together, endeared himself to all rals, the city with descriptions of a lord-mayor's Greece by his tuneful compositions. Our coun- feast, not to mention his little ode upon Stooltryman is still living, and in a blooming old age, Ball, with many other of the like nature. that still promises many musical productions ; Should the very individuals he has celebrated for if I am not mistaken, our British swan will make their appearance together, they would be sing to the last. The best judges who have pe sufficient to fill the play-house. Pretty Peg of rused his last song on The moderate Man, do Windsor, Gillian of Croydon, with Dolly and not discover any decay in his parts, but think it Molly, and Tommy and Johny, with many deserves a place amongst the finest of those others to be met with in the Musical Miscellaworks with which he obliged the world in his nies, entitled, Pills to purge Melancholy, would more early years.
make a good benefit night. I am led into this subject by a visit which I As my friend, after the manner of the old lately received from my good old friend and con- lyrics, accompanies his works with his own temporary. As we both flourished together in voice, he has been the delight of the most polite king Charles the Second's reign, we diverted companies and conversations, from the begin. ourselves with the remembrance of several par- ning of king Charles the Second's reign to our ticulars that passed in the world before the great present times. Many an honest gentleman has est part of my readers were born, and could not got a reputation in his country, by pretending but smile to think how insensibly we were grown to have been in company with Tom d'Urfey. into a couple of venerable old gentlemen. Tom I might here mention several other merits in observed to me, that after having written more my friend; as his enriching our language with odes than Horace, and about four times as many a multitude of rhimes, and bringing words to. comedies as Terence, he was reduced to great gether, that without his good offices, would never difficulties by the importunities of a set of men, I have been acquainted with one another, so long
as it had been a tongue. But I must not omit from the support of your fortune ; but you your. that my old friend angles for a trout, the best of self would signify no more to one of them, than any man in England. May-flies come in late a name in trust in a settlement which conveys this season, or I myself should before now, have land and goods, but has no right for its own use. had a trout of his hooking.
A woman of this turn can no more make a wife, After what I have said, and much more that than an ambitious man can be a friend ; they I might say, on this subject, I question not but both sacrifice all the true tastes of being, and the world will think that my old friend ought motives of life, for the ostentation, the noise, not to pass the remainder of his life in a cage and the appearance of it. Their hearts are like a singing bird, but enjoy all that pindaric turned to unnatural objects, and as the men of liberty which is suitable to a man of his genius. design can carry them on with an exclusion of He has made the world merry, and I hope they their daily companions, so women of this kind will make him easy, so long as he stays among of gayety, can live at bed and board with a man,
This I will take upon me to say, they can without any affection to his person. As to any not do a kindness to a more diverting compa woman that you examine hereafter for my sake, nion, or a more cheerful, honest, and good if you can possibly, find a means to converse natured man.
with her at some country seat. If she has no relish for rural views, but is undelighted with
streams, fields, and groves, I desire to hear no No. 68.]
more of her; she has departed from nature, and Friday, May 29, 1713.
is irrecoverably engaged in vanity.
'I have ever been curious to observe the arroInspicere, tanquam in speculum, in vitas omnium Jubeo, atque ex aliis suinere exemplum sibi.
gance of a town lady when she first comes down Ter. Adelph. Act iii. Sc. 4. to her husband's seat, and, beholding her coun. My advice to him is, to consult the lives of other men try neighbours, wants somebody to laugh with as he would a lookingglass, and from thence fetch ex. her, at the frightful things, to whom she
herself amples for his own imitation.
is equally ridiculous. The pretty pitty.pat step, The paper of to-day shall consist of a letter the playing head, and the fall-back in the curte. from my friend sir Harry Lizard, which, with sy, she does not imagine, make her as unconmy answer, may be worth the perusa! of young the loud voice and ungainly stride render one
versable, and inaccessible to our plain people, as men of estates, and young women without for. tunes. It is absolutely necessary, that in our of our huntresses to her. In a word, dear Nesfirst vigorous years we lay down some law to tor, I beg you to suspend all inquiries towards ourselves for the conduct of future life, which my matrimony until you hear further from, sir, may at least prevent essential misfortunes. The your most obliged, and most humble servant,
• HARRY LIZARD.' cutting cares which attend such an affection as that against which I forewarn my friend sir Harry, are very well known to all who are call
A certain loose turn in this letter, mixed ined the men of pleasure; but when they have deed with some real exceptions to the too fre. opposed their satisfactions to their anxieties in quent silly choice made by country gentlemen, an impartial examination, they will find their has given me no small anxiety: and I have sent life not only a dream, but a troubled and vexa- sir Harry an account of my suspicions, as foltious one.
lows. • DEAR OLD MAN, I believe you are very
• To Sir Harry Lizard. much surprised, that in the several letters I have Sir,-Your letter I have read over two or written to you, since the receipt of that wherein three times, and must be so free with you as to you recommend a young lady for a wife to your tell you, it has in it something which betrays humble servant, I have not made the least men. you have lost that simplicity of heart with relation of that matter. It happens at this time that tion to love, which I promised myself would I am not much inclined to marry; there are crown your days with happiness and honour. very many matches in our country, wherein the The alteration of your mind towards marriage parties live so insipidly, or so vexatiously, that is not represented as flowing from discretion I am afraid to venture from their example. Be- and wariness in the choice, but a disinclination sides, to tell you the truth, good Nestor, I am to that state in general; you seem secretly to informed your fine young woman is soon to be propose to yourself (for I will think no other. disposed of elsewhere. As to the young ladies wise of a man of your age and temper) all its of my acquaintance in your great town, I do satisfactions out of it, and to avoid the care and not know one whom I could think of as a wife, inconveniences that attend those who enter into who is not either prepossessed with some incli. it. I will not urge at this time the greatest connation for some other man, or affects pleasures sideration of all, to wit, regard of innocence; and entertainments, which she prefers to the but having, I think, in my eye, what you aim conversation of any man living. Women of this at, I must, as I am your friend, acquaint you, kind are the most frequently met with of any that you are going into a wilderness of cares sort whatsoever ; I mean they are the most fre. and distractions, from which you will never be quent among people of condition, that is to say, able to extricate yourself, while the compuncsuch are easily to be had as would sit at the tions of honour and pity are yet alive in you. head of your estate and table, lie-in by you for • Without naming names, I have long sus. the sake of receiving visits in pomp at the end pected your designs upon a young gentlewoman of the month, and enjoy the like gratifications l in your neighbourhood : but give me leave to