Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe?-Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves; hail kissingcomfits, and snow eringoes; I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweet-heart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter?-Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome. [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins! Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page. Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think, the devil will not have me; he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, like a satyr; Mrs. QUICKLY and PISTOL; ANNE PAGE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waren tapers on their heads. Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Fal. They are fairies; he, that speaks to them, shall die: I'll wink and couch: No man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Go you, and where you Eva. Where's Pede?· find a maid, That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Sleep she as sound as careless infancy : But those as sleep, and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out: Eva. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm thou wast o'erlooked even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end: If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Pist. A trial, come. Eva. Come, will this wood take fire? [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. About him fairies; sing a scornful rhyme : Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of iniquity. SONG. Fye on sinful fantasy ! Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him for his villainy; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles, and starlight, and moonshine be out. [During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy ir. green; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy in white; and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his buck's head, and rises.] Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, and Mrs. FORD. Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes 3 Become the forest better than the town? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?— Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buckbasket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched? Slen. Despatched - I'll make the best in Glocestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'erreaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? + 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of late-walking, through the realm. Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me: I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends; Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit CAIUS. Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes Fenton. Enter FENTON and ANNE Page. How now, master Fenton? Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon! Page. Now, mistress? how chance you went not with master Slender? Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid? Fent. You do amaze her: Hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy, that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy: — In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy! What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd. Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chas'd. Eva I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Heaven give you many, many merry days! |